Goodness! It has been too long since I profiled some individuals off my Great Wall of Sexy but here are two people who are so sexy they become obscene.

Great Wall of Sexy alums actors Meagan Good (“It’s Good to Be Sexy“) and Henry Simmons (“Break Up Sexy“) were first round inductees despite their lack of media coverage.

Of Simmons, I wrote:

You know if you broke up with him you’d still have sex with him if he called you out of the blue and was like, “Hey, I was out drinking but I’m too drunk to drive home and I didn’t want to wake you or anything but I had no one else to call for a ride.” You know he’s just saying that to get you to have sex with him one more ‘gain, but you are totally getting out of bed to see how quickly you can wipe the drool off our mouth and get your contacts in.

Of Meagan I’ve written nothing, but that’s not because I don’t find her sexy. She’s like a black Jessica Rabbit. She’s incredibly sexy, it’s just the Wall is still a work in progress.

I was going to do another “Sexy Versus Sexy” featuring them but that was pointless with these two. Both veer into pornography territory (especially Good) depending on how they’re photographed.

I can still remember watching Good in “Eve’s Bayou” and thinking she was such a promising young actress. I still think she has that potential, but a boob job will elevate a beautiful girl to black Barbie doll, sexpot status. And she’s there.

There’s a particular vulgarity in Good’s style. It’s a good vulgarity. Like the kind that will guarantee that she’ll get some kind of work in Hollywood for a long time. But she’s almost too hot to play any of the usual roles black women get in film and television. Like best friend of the white woman. Victim. Asexual harridan. And court judge. She’s not believable in any of those roles.

If I ran Hollywood I’d put her and Wall of Sexy alum Jill Marie Jones (or alum Zoe Saldana or alum Rosario Dawson) in a film where they played highly intelligent, but sexy, running and gunning hustlers/con artists who seduce and destroy their way across America. The climax would take place in Vegas where they attempt to pull off the ultimate sexy Poker faced robbery/payday. And sure, we know I’d be able to sell a surprising number of tickets to that, but I know it would take convincing of the Hollywood brass that people would show up to watch a well-written and directed action/adventure starring extremely sexy black women who are playing characters who the smartest in the room.

But I know the MEN would show up. (And lesbians.) And I know black women who would enjoy seeing some fierce sisters who were the smartest ladies in the room. And we could put Henry Simmons, Idris Elba (as an obscenely wealthy British business man) and Terrence Howard (as the law man on their trail) as love interests. And the WOMEN (and gays) would totally show up to see that. I know I’d personally stand in line in the rain. So seriously, Hollywood. Green light my film.

We could call it “Gorgeous Black People Who Are Smarter, Sexier and More Interesting Than Everyone Else Win At the End of the Movie.” Or “Games People Play,” the title of my favorite song by The Alan Parsons Project.

As for Simmons, he is “scoop you up with a spoon and lick it” sexy. He just looks like he taste like mint chocolate chip ice cream. He muscular and ripped and almost as porny as Good. Would the film in the cameras melt if they were ever in a film together making the “me so sexy” face? Would their abs have a contest over who’s abs were hotter? Who would seduce who and which would have the hotter love scene? These are things I need to know.

Simmons manages to stay in employed through theater, televi
sion and his abs. The last time I saw him he was laying his smoldering hotness on Sophina Brown (also on the Wall of Sexy) on “Shark.” But just like Good trolling around in hip hop films with her heaving bosoms, Simmons’ skill is rather wasted playing the heavy. What’s the point in being that hot and you never get to star in anything?

Taye Diggs, who I absolutely cannot stand and do not find attractive for whatever reason, continually gets to star in TV shows. I don’t know why Diggs is more special than Simmons or any of the other hot black men on my Great Wall of Sexy. Why is he forced upon me as the definition of sexy? I often feel like he’s being crammed down my throat like Halle Berry has been crammed down my throat before. There are other hot black marginal actors (Allen Payne and Hill Harper to name two). Let someone else slow burn up the screen.