Incognegro Part II: Kimora Lee Simmons

The bitch is fierce. The bitch is crazy. The bitch is my very most favorite, crazy black-Japanese-Korean, Florissant, MO native — Kimora Lee Simmons.

FLO-MO in the house!

Even when Kimora goes off the rails a little, with designer Karl Lagerfeld declaring he’d turned his once adorable little teenage ingenue into “a $5,000-tote-bag-wearing monster,” she still manages to only thrill.

And she kind of is a monster. But so what? She’s a fabulously decorated monster that I have grown to love. Sure. I’d never want to work for her. And I’d probably get sick of her if I had to spend more than 10 minutes in her gorgeous, 6 footer, supermodel presence. But, c’mon? She’s hot. She’s banging. I’m shocked Nelly has never given his fellow St. Louisian a shout out on a record. (What is it Nelly? No love in U City for the County Brownies? Or in Kimora’s case, partial-brownies?)

Kimora married serial model dater and horribly unattractive little rich man Russell Simmons. (They’re divorced now and he’s moved on to the next tall, leggy runway strutter.) They have two amazingly beautiful daughters, Ming and Akoi, who are about the only people that make Kimora’s new reality show on the Style Network Life in the Fab Lane watchable. I do enjoy how the program has a lot of crossover from America’s Next Top Model, or as I like to call it, model crack. Top Model regular and habitual line-stepper J. Alexander called Kimora a busted footstool behind her back and her daughter, all tiny and petulant, told J. that her mother was “beautiful.” Then proceeded to go tell on him.

Kids. What can you do? They’re all total narcs.


That said. Kimora’s clothing line is WAY too … I don’t really know how to put it in a way that doesn’t sound elitist … but words like “tacky” come to mind and “tasteless” and “gaudy.” She’s like the hood Versace. I mean, I know there’s a business model, a successful biz model for the hood Versace known as Baby Phat, but just because I love Kimora and all her bitchy fabulousness (like how she barely wanted the amateur models in season one of ANTM to wear her clothes as if they would somehow render her cheap ass clothes cheap) doesn’t mean I’m blinded by the gold lamé.

If you ever looked at Kimora and wondered what was going on there in her DNA, just look at her clothes. If there is one thing blacks and Asians have in common — we like to look FIERCE! Go to LAX (Los Angeles International Airport) to catch a flight and every Asian girl has on ten-times the gold that I do, a Balenciaga bag and a blackberry. She has on skinny jeans and Gucci shades and looks absolutely no different from the sister at baggage claim with a weave so incredible it’s in Ripley’s Believe it or not.

We are fierce, brown and yellow peoples! FIERCE, as Tyra would bark at us on ANTM. Embrace the fierceness that is Kimora. She’s a tsunami of glam camp. Or as she would say, a tsunami of “fabulosity!”

Kimora is the epitome of the not-black-black-girl.

daniellebelton

6 responses to “Incognegro Part II: Kimora Lee Simmons”

  1. Kenyon Farrow Avatar
    Kenyon Farrow

    Black Snob, this is the best blog I have read in a long tome. Now, you have a new stalker, I mean, ummm, fan.Your fellow Black (and gay) snob, Kenyon Farrow

    Reply
  2. The Black Snob Avatar
    The Black Snob

    Thank you, Kenyon. I appreciate the fan/stalker feedback.And us Black Snobs have to stick together lest the BET/50 Cent/Maury Povich loving hordes will over run us all.And if I have to hear Akon on the radio one more time … bitch slaps all around. But that’s for a later post.Sigh … Times just not easy out there for a black snob.Yours truly, steady snobbin’ …The Black Snob

    Reply
  3. Jay Wilson Avatar
    Jay Wilson

    Kimora was one of those women when I was in my young, stupid, and innocent stage (aka a virgin), I thought she was the very definition of hot POA. But age, wisdom, and whoring myself through college has given me a whole new perspective: anyone that would let Russ Simmons probe their orifices has severe problems.

    Reply
  4. The Black Snob Avatar
    The Black Snob

    Kimora is sick in the head, no doubt. But to go from being a 13 year old, 5’11” freak of nature to the muse of fashion legend Karl Lagerfeld is bound to give a half-sister a complex. A psycho diva complex. And word in the Florissant that she and her mother have been husslin’ on the come up for years. Raisin-faced Russell was like the damn lotto for her.It’s all about the money and the fame with Kimora. Other than that she is unrefined and spoiled like any former child star.

    Reply
  5. Andrea Avatar
    Andrea

    Remember I save I had to go back into the archives? Well, I still have not read all of your older posts. I had no idea you had one of Kimora. I don’t read all the left columns. I read the right side and the other stuff takes awhile to grab my attention because I can’t multi-task balancing over-stimulus sometimes when I get excited. I get pooped too quick. Like a baby, still.But I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Kimora too. I used to “can’t stand her” but since seeing her first show last season, I fell in love with her. She is the mommy I always wanted. She is the mommy I wished all my girl students in the past had. I think if she was broke she would love that hard.I think that people are hateful in not wanting to understand this complexity of hers. She is a dynamic woman. Loving your children unconditionally is really not a norm so seeing her do it makes me want to defend her and her tackly Baby Phat Clothing line. Did you read this article a few years ago?http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2005/04/kimoralee200504I was cracking my side and rolling my eyes. And now, I feel like she is not that person anymore. I just love a renaissance and reconnaissance missiion. Seeing such an expedient transition is absolutely impressive because she did not have to develop into the winner that she is now. A few of my friends that read the article thinks that that expose is who she is and when they see me, the snob, defending her, they are shocked. They know I can’t stand Ghetto commodification but I love how Kimora has left that behind her. That is the richness of her narrative.I want to see Kimora out-manuever Angela as a Goodwill Ambassador. If she has that much love for her children, her love of people is simply on ice needing to thaw out. I see how big her heart is for her staff. She is great!Now will someone tell her to update and make her website interactive and up-to-the-minute? Does she not know she is more interesting than a lot of people out here?

    Reply
  6. The Black Snob Avatar
    The Black Snob

    andrea: Damn girl. You are digging in the crates here. This is back from my “one post a week if your luck” phase back in August.But I love Kimora. I read that Vanity Fair article and it’s easy to just read Kimora as a “bitch” but I fell in love with her on that show when she refused to let the people at Barbie push her around. Like how they wanted to make it a “Kimora” doll rather than a Barbie designed by Kimora. Her daughters were right in the room with her and she gave off attitude that was like “fuck dat, black Asian girls can’t be Barbie? She’s a Barbie. Barbies can be any color and I want my long fur coat and the dog. You people are getting on my last nerves.”And over the years it was Russell Simmons who I grew to like less and less. No one considers that Kimora’s youthful aggression over her marriage was due to the fact Tyra and other models tried to warn her he was a habitual hot model dater, a player and could not be faithful. She didn’t listen hence did what a lot of women do, blame the other women. But she’s out grown that, thank the Lord, and broke up with Russ who comes off as amazingly airheaded and dull compared to the Princess of Florissant.

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