Actor. Nerd. English major. Korean fashion superstar. Ivy league man. Star of TV’s “Prison Break.”

That’s my oddly sexy, raspy-voiced, thin as a rail, look like a white guy while not actually being a white guy, Wentworth Miller.

I didn’t discover Miller until I read the initial press on “Prison Break” when it debuted in 2005 on Fox and even then I didn’t pay much attention to him. I mean, the whole concept of “Prison Break” was ludicrous and, dude, Brett Ratner was the producer. I mean, Brett “I love Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan and, oh, by the way I’m a hack movie director ” Ratner. I wasn’t taking it seriously, then, in one of my more obsessive movie watching weekends I rented the film that was supposed to put Wentworth Miller on the map – The Human Stain.

It was one of those flicks that was supposed to be an Oscar contender but just turned out to be uneven and too flat to make it out the gate. Sure it starred Sir Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman, but all most people could talk about at the time was how could Hopkins play an American black man passing for white when he was white British man. I always thought this was a little silly, as to pass for white you DO have to actually look like a white person. And if you’re trying to give your movie Oscar buzz the director isn’t going to cast the 60+ year old lead with some largely unknown biracial actor OR with a known black actor who is light, but would never pass for a white person (a la James Earl Jones.) So … pointless argument. The real argument was despite everyone’s efforts — and MAN was everyone trying hard in that movie — it was just an uneven film.

But it had one bright spot.

The guy playing the young version of Anthony Hopkins. As, not only could he act he had a sort of quiet anger, a smoldering lethality of edgy, intelligent sexiness. And he was pretty. Pretty like a woman. Like Prince.

Not that I’m into that sort of thing.

Anyway. He charmed me off the screen and he had the ridiculous name of “Wentworth.” And I could remember reading about the film in 2003 and how Wentworth was half black, although interviewers repeatedly kept assuming he was white and beating him down with the race questions they’d been smacking Hopkins up with.

After watching him charm the pants off Jacinda Bartlett in “The Human Stain” I was a fan. And when I learned he was a nerd my fan heart only beat stronger. And then I watched “Prison Break,” which delightfully was the direct opposite of sucking.

Nicely played, Ratner. Nicely played.

As a celebrity, Miller plays the unaware act, pretending to not acknowledge that he’s gorgeous and he dresses like crap when he’s not posing in fashion ads. He makes a great effort (or perhaps not) to sound utterly boring and never manages to get wasted or pull a classic Robert Downy Jr. in public.
I’m amongst Wentworth Miller’s large, kind of psycho fan base that’s a nice mix of women between the ages of 16 and 60, Koreans and gay men. Of his fan base there’s a segment of those two groups (but largely consisting of the gay man group) who partake in constant Miller sexual orientation speculation. Miller has repeatedly said he is not gay. Reams of sexual orientation speculators say otherwise.

I, personally, don’t give a rat’s ass. I’m a fan of Wentworth the actor. As in, “Wentworth, the Not-Black-Black-Man Fantasy Set Piece.” I only want to know the most superficial things about an actor. Like, where are you from? Are you a not-black-black person? Will you be making any films where your love interest is one of black America’s many attractive, underemployed black and not-black-black-actresses? Like I don’t know shit about Allen Payne and I’m rapturously in love with Allen (but I’m still not watching that show.) But in my head he is forever 1/2 his character from “CB4” and 1/2 Jason from “Jason’s Lyric” and in my mind, him and Jada Pinkett, aka “Lyric” are somewhere in far, far from the fifth ward with, like, kids and stuff. All happy black family, all the time.

But you get my point. I don’t care what Wentworth’s sexual orientation is. But, if he is gay, for the record, I think he and Anderson Cooper would make a cute couple. Anderson allegedly likes his men with a little black in them. They both went to Ivy League schools. Anderson’s a better dresser, but Wentworth looks like a skinny fashion model. They’re both intense, private, weird little nerd people. I think we should fix them up.
But if I you are gay and I see you with someone horrifying, like say Taye Diggs or Perez Hilton, we’re going to have some issues. (I know you’d never date Perez, Went. But I had to think of someone as equally irritating to me as Taye. Eeeew, Taye.) That said, if you’r
e not gay, surprise me and date a black woman. You know, just for shits and giggles. Don’t do me like Tiger Woods.

They just all had to be blondes, huh, Tiger? That’s OK. That’s cool. Congratulations on the daughter that you strangely named Sam, not Samantha, but Sam. She’s very cute.