The South Carolina Showdown: The Democratic primary in SC is tomorrow, and Obama’s busy doing the racial two-step while trying to keep a 9 point lead ahead of the Clintons. Obama is leading by more than a bit in the SC. Pundits say it’s because, depending on which pundit you ask, all, 60 percent or half of all voters in the Democratic primary are black. Many of those blacks are pledging fidelity to the Obama camp. The Obamas and the Clintons are in the midst of a who’s racist, who’ sexist war because their candidates political stances are too similar. Meanwhile the media has pretty much decided black people are voting for Obama because he’s black like me, just as they’ve surmised that Hillary is getting the female vote just because she has boobs and ovaries. This irritates me to no end as NO ONE ever says people vote for the white guy because he’s the white guy.

Black people and women of all races are capable of making decisions as to what candidate would best help the country and meet their needs. It’s true that blacks and women are enthrall because there is a black and a woman in the race, but they are also practical people. Many women hate Hillary because she’s calculating and manipulative. Many blacks don’t think Obama could win in a general election. Everyone questions their qualifications, although I’ve never figured out how Hillary wins the “experience” debate when the bulk of her experience came from being married the Comeback Kid. I guess if Michelle Obama were a two-term ex-President maybe people wouldn’t question her husband’s skills. Puleaze.

That said, rumor is Bill and Hill are giving up on South Carolina while trying not to appear like they’ve given up on South Carolina. And, of course, they’re still spinning the hell out of everything. John Edwards … hell, I don’t know what John is doing. Trying to remind folks that, dammit, there is a white male southerner in the race with not so subtle comments like, “It doesn’t do any good to nominate a candidate who cannot win in November.” (The comment comes in around 3:08 at the end of the segment.)

These things maybe so, Johnny, but you’re a long way from winning jack crap. Obama’s got the charm. Hillary’s got Bill. What do you have? I like you, but I still can’t get that taste of 2004 defeat out of my mouth when you were shilling the Hey, Hey Mr. Nice guy act. Nothing personal. But I like the fact that you discovered poor people and started talking about them. At least it keeps that discussion going in the race. Perhaps when you run out of money and have to back out, Obama or Clinton will snap up your help the poor platform.

Dennis the Menace: The Liberal Elf and his hot wife are getting out of the Democratic Race. Poor Dennis Kucinich. I actually agreed with you 99.9 percent of the time. That’s how tragically huge of a lefty I am. But I’m still not left enough for Mike Gravel. I know Dennis saw a UFO, but that mofo Mike is crazy.

Pimp My Economy: The government wants to give you $600. What the hell is that supposed to do? Get my Mastercard bill down to $3,000 from $3,600? And where is this money coming from *cough* the Chinese and Saudis *cough, cough* rising deficit *cough*! Smooth move, US government!

Everyone Hates Rudy Guiliani: You know? I’m actually starting to feel sorry for the guy. No, no wait … No I don’t.