It’s Cartier’s Love Charity Bracelet product launch. Or as I would call it, dressin’ up for jewelry which happened last Thursday.
That’s my kind of party. Someone drapes you in diamonds and you floss for a bit before sitting down for an extremely expensive chicken dinner. And that’s my girl, Rosario Dawson, in the spotlight, being Rosario. She’s always just the right mix of downtown and uptown. I have a total girl crush on her and the unbelievably scrawny Angelina Jolie as I like my womens crazy with a capital “C.” And they’re about neck n’ neck, mostly because they play a nice mix of sexpots and weirdos on screen. Or a weird sexpot. Like Dawson in “Sin City.”
Jolie’s the better actress, but Rosario sexier (mostly because she’s willing to be a size 4-6 over a size 0-2.)
Eat something, Angie. Sweet Jesus, eat!
Rosario and actress Bridget Moynahan
And here’s Kimora Lee rocking a very satin and silky black dress. I’m not feeling it for all sorts of reasons. Like how it’s unflattering and accentuates her paunch. And no woman wants to draw attention to that. Thankfully, my Florissant, Mo. homie brought the always delicious Djimon Hounsou with her.
Every thing’s better with Hounsou.
Wow. Someone went for intrigue with the eyebrows and got crazy tweezer/waxin’ happy on Ashanti. Draped in Cartier she looked a tad ordinary in that tight, stretchy white dress with lace work, making her look like she was holding her breath to keep everything in place.
And I hate the shoes. It’s probably just a flower, but it looks like black, fuzzy pompoms from here.
And then JD showed up looking horrible, per usual.
Hideous.
And where JD goeth, so doth Janet, Miss Jackson if your nasty. She’s once again wearing all black and she’s nixed a dress for a pair of the world’s largest pair of black pants. I totally hate her hair color because it does not work at all with her skin tone. There’s too much red in it and it’s too light. Other than that, she still looks girlishly adorable.
Nicole Richie. Still too thin, resembling a dormouse. Or a desert fox. Or a kangaroo rat. I can’t decide. Let’s all agree she looks like some kind of rodent. She’s wearing what basically looks like a backless yellow-aquamarine-gray pup tent. She makes it work even though it looks like someone wrapped her up in five yards of fabric from Wal-Mart.
Be afraid, very afraid of Fergie’s man hands. They’re far worse than Paris Hilton’s man hands. Much, much worse. So bad I was surprised she put ’em up for these photographs. I’ve mentioned before that I do not get Fergie. While the Black Eyed Peas’ will.i.am can put together some tight beats and hooks and Fergie can somewhat sing she is just unattractive to me. She looks like she’d smell like a pack of Menthol Lights and a tall boy.
And this dress is a terrible, no good, awful, very bad dress. And would someone please let her feet out of prison?
Run, Common! It’s a … oh, wait. That’s just Fergie. My bad.
In this picture I try to focus on Eva Mendes, who I like and is very pretty. Her dress and purse are awful and don’t do her figure any justice, but standing next to Fergie makes everyone look like a million bucks in contrast.
I’m not a huge fan of Eve. But I am a fan of how she dresses (most of the time). She’s developed the reputation for being a hip hop fashionista, often setting the trend. It’s still a little weird to see those paw prints on her chest now that she’s a mainstream actress and artist. It’s like the everlasting symbol of her once hoodrat status. But she’s a long ways from the hood now. Why, if it weren’t for the paw prints she’d be downright classy.
Live Your Best Life. 
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