Get yer hankies, stans!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Why Sweet Baby Jesus, why? (Source: All Things CNN)
(More after the jump)
;)
While I appreciate that TJ did his best to hide this from me by telling his co-host to zip it, then refused to elaborate, I can no longer keep this torch lit. It ain’t an eternal flame, baby. TJ Holmes is getting re-hitched.
It’s the real deal. Our little Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of the TV News has found love again in the form of a girl we can all welcome and respect (BE NICE! Seriously! FUCK, some of you guys are SO MEAN! You know who you are!) as one of our own. *Sniff.*
A snob. A beautiful, smart, fierce shoe wearing Black Snob. OK. Now pretend to be happy!
Yes, yes … he’s our favorite flavor of man candy and we can still happily drool from a distance as most of us didn’t have a shit’s chance anyway, but it still ruins all your fantasies. Especially if you have really specific, detailed ones where TJ rides to your wedding on a horse at the last minute because you’re totally marrying the WRONG GUY and he totally didn’t care that he had to cover that flood in Jonesboro. He needed to see YOU right then and there! On a HORSE! And he was like good at riding it and shit and his shirt just happened to blow open from the thrust of the church doors.
It was really impressive.
Anyway. I’m now all but certain he’s getting hitched, but I’d still like it if someone, you know, besides me went official with it because like hell if I want to be wrong. A reader said he laughed off a reference to his second nuptuals Friday morning, but those folks at All Things CNN OBVIOUSLY didn’t find that newsworthy until 2 a.m. Monday morning. (Thank God for insomnia!)
That said, if you’re going to cry over a girl taking a man that was never yours to begin with (I started with Dolly Parton’s “Jolene,” but that implied the Teege was all I had and I still have Elba, Naveen Andrews, Isaiah Washington, Aaron McGruder and Daniel Henney), you should at least know a smidge about the woman you’re boo-hooing over — Marliee With-the-last-name-that-makes-her-too-easy-to-harass.
First off, a note to Marilee: Seriously, girl, if you and the Teege read this you need to do some house cleaning. I know you’re a lawyer so you can’t exactly hide, but you’re about to marry a TV personality. You need to make it a little harder for crazy people to get at you. I have a rare last name too, but you’d have to shell out some duckets to even get close. I say this out of love, those digits better lead to Nowheresville or CNN Weekend viewers Sheretta, Antonio and Becky, winners of TJ’s Ultimate Stalker Fan Competition may be applying for your services just to fuck wih you.
You’re just lucky most TJ fans aren’t as nuts motivated as Anderson Cooper fans. (You people FRIGHTEN me!)
That said, let’s tip the hat to the Teege because as wonderfully awesome as The Snob is (and I AM wonderfully awesome and I can make peach cobbler … you remember that right, TJ?), it seems this ladyfriend person is pretty nice and accomplished herself.
Using my master Google Stalking skills here is the scoop on Ms. So Damn Lucky Ducky.
Her name is Marilee. Even though I’ve published pictures of her I, for some reason, … care … and will not use her last name until the engagement goes officially, photos in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution public. I ask that others who know her full name do the same and keep the details about her interesting but purposely vague. This snobbette is a private citizen and I ain’t trying to be sued in this piece.
Marliee is an associate working specifically with Immigration issues and went to Vanderbilt University so she’s probably smart as a whip. She’s only been out of law school for a few years, but has already made an impression it seems. (Or at least she’s made one on my … I mean OUR … Prince of West Memphis.)
She works for one of the older and larger firms in the city. She has great taste in shoes. Everyone tells me she’s gorgeous in person and that I would love her.
But I don’t! Lucky heifer!
I know we all knew this was coming right? Right, T.J. fans? It’s just *sniff* no matter what you do … *sniff* … you’re never prepared! *Bwaaaahhhhh!*
Shut up, Vesta! This is even worse than you. I have to go back. Way back. Back into time for this level of devastation of THIS hot of a man being DENIED to me!
Etta, please. Show them how you properly mourn what’s not yours!
You better love him, girl. Love him like I Love Reeses. He’s my little Peanut Butter Cup.
I heard church bells ringing
I heard a choir singing
I saw my love walk down the aisle
On her finger he placed a ring
Oh, I saw them holding hands
She was standing there with my man
I heard them promise “Till death do us part”
Each word was a pain in my heart
All I could do, all I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
All I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
I was losing the man that I loved
And all I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
Yeah and now the wedding’s over
Rice, rice has been thrown over their heads
For them life has just begun
But mine is at an end
All, all I could do, all I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
All I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
I was losing the man that I loved (cry, cry, cry)
And all I could do was cry (cry, cry, cry)
Live Your Best Life. 
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