Not-So-Secret Negroes and Things About Being Black You Hate

Yes! They’re back! By a LANDSLIDE!

Honestly, I stopped doing “Incognegro” because I got tired of being accused of being some colorist despite the fact that it seems all black people are fascinated to some degree with it. Oh well. I have a mandate now! Fifty-four percent. So either we all hate ourselves, or we enjoy going “OMG! I had no idea Carly Simon had some black in her! But look at that hair!” Yes. It is back.

WENWORTH MILLER AND RASHIDA JONES STORIES FOR ALL!!!!

(More after the jump)

I can’t believe you didn’t want Glitter back. No sparky ponies for you!Also, I get the impression you want to vent about your limits to blackness. (By 20 percent) I knew blackness was going through a rough patch when the “Blackest” of the Snob sisters was having a hard time relating to black people. Not BABY SNOB! She even still kind of listens to rap! Nooooooo! For the uninitiated, “Limits” is about voicing something, even a taboo about blackness that you hate, hate, hate putting up with and will do anything to avoid.

I won’t wear traditional West African dresses because …. I don’t know. I was born in the west and shit and I like blue jeans. My oldest sister thinks black music past 1990 sucks and listens only to Christian rock, some country and Metallica. And while I understand why people like Kwanza, I draw the line at me actually celebrating it. Sounds too much like how I spent every summer of my childhood with those Kunjufu books. Christmas, after all, is an international holiday not based on any race. I can’t help it if some folks here think they own the damn thing. Last time I checked Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew.

The other three items are making it back by the slimmest of margins. So slim, I had to almost pick them myself. There will be a father’s day series (I’m bracing myself for constant waterworks now), like the mother’s series last year. We will continue to chronicle whatever Kanye West is wearing, because I too find it hilarious (and interesting). And DOOMED ROMANCE makes it in with five piddly votes.

This time, Doomed Romance will be a regular feature as I already have one in the hopper from a reader who found the series late and felt compelled to write. I’ll let you know when the deadlines are for Fathers and Doomed Romance II: Deader Than Ever.

That said, please use the comments to shout out actual and “suspect” incognegroes, odd pictures of Kanye in neat outfits and shit that annoys you about being black that you think I should write about!

Ciao!

daniellebelton
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54 responses to “Not-So-Secret Negroes and Things About Being Black You Hate”

  1. cdf Avatar
    cdf

    Having to exude my swagger in order to fit the mold of a "black male"…

    Reply
  2. miss kate Avatar
    miss kate

    if The Wentworth is involved, I am there. That is all.

    Reply
  3. dkan71 Avatar
    dkan71

    Love the new and improved features…and Rashida Jones is so weirdly incognegro. Everybody knows her daddy is Quincy Jones, but she looks like he barely made a genetic drive-by. I saw the movie "I Love You, Man" and she was the main character’s (Paul Rudd) fiance and at no point did they even hint at her negritude. At the rehearsal dinner for the wedding, her family was conspicuously absent…no mama, no daddy, no cousin, no kinda relations at all, mixed or otherwise. There was a decent smattering of black people and some mixed couples in the wedding scene, but otherwise it was like being gay in the military – don’t ask, don’t tell. Funny movie though.

    Reply
  4. marci Avatar
    marci

    being expected to have blind love and faith in your president obama even as a black person living in europe..there.. said it…

    Reply
  5. justelise Avatar
    justelise

    I hate when other black people assume I’ve never experienced racism because I’m light skinned. I hate only being described as a color by other black people ("that high yellow girl", etc). I hate when my non-black friends treat me as the ambassador of blackness and make me feel like I’m representing all black people.I hate the homophobia entrenched in the black community, and I hate that black people assume that I’m gay because I have gay friends.I hate that other black women assume I’m single because I’m waiting for a black man when I’ve never even dated one.I could go on and on, but the list would just get more depressing.

    Reply
  6. c Avatar
    c

    @ dkan71: Thank you for pointing that out. My boyfriend and I spent 15 minutes trying to determine if the fiance had a bit of color in her(not sure if black, hispanic, etc). She’s a pretty woman. I’m glad someone else is able to confirm our suspicions. The movie was funny, though.@justelise: Don’t forget "redbone". Sick of hearing it. What does that mean anyway???Also, can we stop treating sisters who date outside their race like an endangered species? The African-American population will not go the way of the dodo just because they didn’t pick a chocolate brother. Trust me. I have three friends who just gave birth to happy, healthy black babies. It’s gonna be okay folks. Black love is a beautiful thing but it’s not the ONLY thing. sheesh. /rant

    Reply
  7. Zion Avatar
    Zion

    @MarciIsn’t it ashamed how blacks are accused of having blind faith in Pres. Obama when whites obviously had blind faith in all their leaders and was never called on it! (SMH) I feel you. Blacks are discerning voters, that’s why we knew not to choose Hillary.

    Reply
  8. NKaran Avatar
    NKaran

    Number One: The complete overuse of the word "swagger"Number Two: Why older black relatives or older black whoevers don’t understand natural hair and think it is a disgrace to the entire race.Number Three:Have to agree with the homophobia thing… where did saying "no homo" come from anyway? and Why do people still think its okay if they say "no Ellen" or "no Elton" or "no *insert known gay person here*"

    Reply
  9. justelise Avatar
    justelise

    @NKaran I totally agree about the hair thing. I personally find it difficult to let my hair grow out natural partially because I would have to deal with how my parents would react. I guess hair is a touchy subject with women in general, but multiply it by the fact that I’m biracial, and I already get attitude at your average black salon. I think I’m a bit scarred.I just wanted to add something else to the list: I hate that black men never talk to me like I’m an educated, grown, capable woman. I don’t respond to being "holla’d at" and when I don’t respond, the guy automatically tells me that I think I’m better than him, think I’m white, etc.

    Reply
  10. ezparz Avatar
    ezparz

    Perhaps someone mentioned this- weren’t the polling results skewed? It got 53% because it was the first thing on the list, right? We were only allowed to vote for one thing? I’m confused.

    Reply
  11. Danielle Belton Avatar
    Danielle Belton

    @ EzprazThe poll was imperfect, but Incognegro was one of my most popular non-Obama based features outside of black conservatives and doomed romance. I mean, you can read the old ones. People STILL comment on the old site and search them out like fiends. But I will do a second poll because the other choices came out odd. I’ll see if I can fix the software and get it up today.

    Reply
  12. BluTopaz Avatar
    BluTopaz

    I hate that there are so many Black males over the age of 12 who believe it’s their birthright to verbally harass Black women out in public. I have had some of the most vile comments made to me by fools who thought they were being flattering, and when I don’t respond I become all kindsa bitches. Tired of that shit, and in all honesty these instances make me sometimes less than sympathetic when the latest racially profiled BM story comes along (of course, depending on the circumstances).I hate that so many Black children are filled with rage and self hatred: that a sweet natured, sensitive shy young boy would hang himself (just a few feet away from his devoted mother) because a bunch of little thugs and thugettes were not used to seeing a disciplined child. I hate that those little bastards and the people who spawned them will never realize the extent of their actions because they are too busy adhering to the ugliest stereotypes about us.

    Reply
  13. Danielle Belton Avatar
    Danielle Belton

    @ AllI love how this has become the "therapy" thread. I thought that would happen with the first "Limits of Blackness" entry, but … do it here too! If there’s hate in your heart LET IT OUT! You don’t have to take this shyte anymore!

    Reply
  14. G Avatar
    G

    I loved Incognegro. Go for it.Yes, let us write about "What do I hate about being black?"My number one hate: when dysfunctional black people think I am supposed to accept their bad behavior because we have the same ethnic background. I.e., drunks, panhandlers, subway drummers (don’t we have enough noise in NYC?), trifling men with no jobs who hit on me because they are looking for someone to take care of them, women who scream and slap and otherwise treat their children like beasts, chronic latecomers, chronic broke-ass people, chronic victims, and people who otherwise don’t take care of or take responsiblity for themselves, acting like there is something wrong with ME, because I cannot deal with that mess. My family treated me like this. THEM: "You’re a whitey lover! You’d rather hang out with your white friends than us!" ME: "Actually, no–I’d rather hang out with my friends, regardless of race, who aren’t nut jobs." And I hate, hate, hate that because I am a black woman I am supposed to be a single mother. "No I don’t have any kids." "WHY?" "Because I’m not married you stupid ass; when I have children it will be with two parents who are MARRIED, thank you very much." Thanks for letting me rant, Snob!

    Reply
  15. brooklynshoebabe Avatar
    brooklynshoebabe

    shit that annoys you about being black…1. I hate being considered a "hater" because I find the so-called urban/street/hip-hop poorly written and even more poorly edited, and that our urban youth should be exposed to something wider than what they see every day.2. I don’t think Obama Fried Chicken thing is all that bad considering. We have a black man as president and a black man is the leader of the free world, so fuck what those below him say about him.3. I don’t like it when we support people just because they are black, and I hate the use of "well, the system was built against him" excuse. Forget the system, just know right from wrong. I’m looking right at you R.Kelly.4. I don’t support randomly killing police officers because you’re upset at police officers randomly killing or using excessive force on black suspects. It’s an eye for an eye theory that will not get a happy ending.5. I hate the phrase African-American. White people stumble around the phrase; black people stumble around the phrase. That is a long phrase. I like Black. Sure it is vague and not entirely accurate but we all know what it means. 6. I hate that folks think everything is "racial." Sometimes it’s socio-economic.

    Reply
  16. whitty Avatar
    whitty

    I would love to read/talk about in general expectations about how black folks are supposed to look/dress. I am SICK of getting looked at funny by other black people because I have on converse and skinny jeans. Also, I can’t stand the idea that I should not want to/be able to speak properly. I love my grammar skills.Don’t Hate!!! (j/k, j/k!!!)

    Reply
  17. dukedraven Avatar
    dukedraven

    I remember Quincy Jones when he met, dated and eventually married Peggy Lipton of "Mod Squad" fame. I saw pictures of his children when they were young, but lost track of them after his divorce years later. I didn’t know who Rashida was till today (thanks dkan71), and all I can say is that she doesn’t look at all like her daddy. Regarding her recent movie role, it’s a shame that biracials are blended in and treated as if they were full-bloodied caucasians when it comes to Hollywood scripts. Why can’t they instead have a storyplot that explains their mixed race background? This shouldn’t be a taboo any longer.

    Reply
  18. thenderson Avatar
    thenderson

    my suggestions for people to profile for the icognegro series:mariah careyjessica zhor (gossip girl tv show)christal khalil (young and the restless)jennifer beals

    Reply
  19. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Things that annoy me about being a black Person/Woman1. Other black women who have skank attitudes and do not want to support each other,2. Black greed, black PEOPLE do not give. I know that sounds ultra-stereotyping but it seems to be true.3. White girlfriends who assume that all the men I am interested in are black..first question "Ooh is he black."UGH. I do not ask them "Is he white." Dang. I am thru.4. The race baiting5. Im so thru.It is tiring to be black and woman. I have to just clear my mind sometimes because things could just drive me crazy if I dwell on them. The most issues I have with being black comes from the black community. Surprising, huh?

    Reply
  20. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Oh and black men who think their ish don’t stank. bye.

    Reply
  21. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Another thing is why are these people being called ingognegroes? SMH. I may be overreacting and sensitive but Mariah Carey is in no way form or fashion a negroe. That Wentforth guy looks so white. They don’t have to face the discrimination of negroes who look like negroes(black), so why even call them negroes, they are white. Bye.

    Reply
  22. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    @ brooklynshoebabe. Girl 100 percent co-sign. I hate this business of justifying the wrong of blacks (black men) in general from the black community just because we feel oppressed. Well killing police officers( and if you are talking about the same guy Im talking about, who happens to have also been a rapist) has no justification. SMHxxxx10000000000000.

    Reply
  23. Danielle Belton Avatar
    Danielle Belton

    @ NAGROMActually, light skinned people, even those who look white have faced plenty racial discrimination in the United States. Looking white has rarely spared you from racism historically and even today, if you choose to embrace your full heritage you will face some form o drama.I’d suggest you’d start with the story of Homer Plessy, the man who’s fight for equality lead to Jim Crow. Then work your way to the history of the NAACP (filled with "white" looking black people), the first black supreme court justice Thurgood Marshall and his story of being denied well … everything and joining the fight of the Civil Right’s Movement.You have to be careful by what you perceive as an "easy" life. I have "white" looking relatives and white racists truly do not care about colorism in America. There is no such thing as preferences other than lighter ones looked nicer as maids and prostitutes. If that’s a "plus" that’s a pretty shitty plus. The minute anyone decides to embrace their black heritage they open themselves up for discrimination because black in America has never been about looks.The other side of this is THIS scenario:We have this gentleman, a local politician, Mike McMillian, who looks "white," but he has been raised in the black community, considers himself black, has black relatives, a black mother and black friends. Should he walk away from those he loves and "pass?" Should he give up everything that makes him who he is for that "easier" life? This even goes back to my family. Should my great, great aunt Josephine have let them lynch her much darker husband when they assumed he’d moved to town with a "white" wife? Should she have walked away from her black family, many relatives darker that she loved?My point is … Mariah Carey has as much claim to blackness as Harold Ford Jr. based on the history of America. (We’re all mixed. We all have some form of white or Native blood in us, etc.) She doesn’t get treated much better than Beyonce at the end of the day, other than Mariah’s mother is white (just like the president’s). She can’t help that she turned out more pale, but we don’t have a color caste based system like in the Dominican Republic or Brazil. You either have some black blood or you don’t. It’s an archaic rule by some standards and the term "incognegro" is a joke term, not anything serious. But I do take it serious the notion that Mariah can’t claim her black ancestry. It is OBVIOUS Mariah feels in tune with this side of herself and was always more comfortable there. (The first, squeaky clean half of her career seemed to be Cinderella packaging.) She’s married to a black man. Her father is a black man. Her sister is half black. She grew up around black people. Has black friends. Lives in black culture. Has in the past, dated other blacks and biracial people with black ancestry and engages in a musical style indicative and created by black culture.So, we’re going to have to disagree about this. Black people of all colors have bled and died for the rights of people of color in this country. Black people as white as white people have stayed with their families, their BLACK families and chosen to fight and die with them over passing. And I’ve NEVER heard a story of passing that was pleasant or happy. All, from "The Human Stain" to "The Autobiography of An Ex-Coloured Negro" as well as the parody film "The Confederate States of America" are about the pain of this decision to some degree. And I honestly LIKE that the US isn’t like DR or Brazil where you have "caramel" versus" brown" versus "negra" versus "blanca." To me, that’s madness. I prefer a world where you have both Lena Horne and Pearl Bailey fighting on the same team than Lena and Pearl fighting each other.Shit got done a lot faster that way.

    Reply
  24. Lite Bread Avatar
    Lite Bread

    Well, as White Dad I guess I could say that, when it comes to my bi-racial children, it does seem a little different to think I DON’T COUNT.Wonder why I’ve bothered to raise them by myself, pay all their bills, go to all those school functions, love them more than myself …

    Reply
  25. Ms P Avatar
    Ms P

    This is my first time posting although I have been reading for a little while. Luv your insight,black snob. Today I felt compelled to add my 2 cents. Here are things that annoy me about being black/black woman:-White coworkers who are shocked when they find out I have my own home. Actually I have bought 2 homes as have many of my girlfriends but they think we really don’t have much.-Black people who automatically think that this dark skinned sista’s long hair is a weave. It is not & when they find out that this is my natural hair the next question is…Do you have some Indian in you? LOL. UGHHHHH!!!!!!-Black men in Atlanta who truly believe that the ratio here is 100 to 1 so we should be grateful for them no matter how unattractive/boring/egotistical etc that they are. They are always surprised to find out that I date regularly & have the "gift of goodbye". If you are not quality, I am outta there! Next…-White coworkers who assume that all black people live in the same community despite how large the Atlanta metropolitan area is. I wish I had a dollar everytime a black coworker was late or absent, and a white coworker asked me where that person was as if I lived next door to them. It doesn’t matter if I am friends or not with the black person. It is just assumed that I know their whereabouts because we are all "live" in the same area. Yeah right..

    Reply
  26. Danielle Belton Avatar
    Danielle Belton

    @ Lite BreadThat’s why I argue that people over simplify this issue. As if your kids could disown you, separate themselves from you based on what? Imaginary racial substructures. This is a very painful and complex issue. You are just "dad" to them. Not "White Dad," and they are your "children." The outside world adds the labels and rules, hence we have these arguments and conversations over who is what.Personally, I’m fine with whatever a biracial/multiracial person decides themselves as what they want to be called. I had no choice. I was raised under the "one drop" construct and am the result of decades of mixing between other brown to very dark biracial black people, all who called themselves black. I know nothing but black, am proud of it, love it (most of the time). A LOT of people have theories on what your children should call themselves but ultimately … that’s their business. Society will be its own judge and they’ll make their own.

    Reply
  27. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    I understand that Danielle. I am at the point where I don’t care about what ultra light, birracial people want to go as, if they want to pass and be white then they have that choice. Wentoworth Miller and Mariah Carey both look white to me, that’s all Im sayin, if I saw them on the street I’d think they were white. They don’t scream black or negroe. Black people do have a problem with colorism. If I had a dollar for everytime a black guy says stuff like they want a redbone or light-skinned girl. Where did this mentality come from? Oh I know, the whitewashing of our people? I just don’t know when one is close enough to white to be considered white, Im just saying I don’t consider Mariah black, she is birracial at mose, and not even that. Beyonce Knowels is b-l-a-c-k. President Obama, hmmmm, he looks birracial, so I consider him black. I know that sounds harsh, but you can’t tell me that Barack has had it easier than Wentworth, just on looks alone.

    Reply
  28. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Also, I don’t know what marrying a black man has anything to do with being black. I guess what you are saying is that when she was married to Tommy Mottola she wasn’t as black. SMH. Ugh, I know you love glitter and chuckles but she gets on my nerves and I don’t consider her to be a black woman, like I said at most she is a birracial person.

    Reply
  29. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Also Danielle, Im not trying to be harsh to birracial people. My cousin is birracial like Mariah Carey, half black half German and she looks white, has white friends, has a black mom, white dad, but is white. She loves her German heritage and who am I to tell her othwerwise. She is passing, so Im not ure why black people always want to claim birracial people. They are who they are, they are not like a black person, they are birracial. The other day a white woman asked was talking about Halle Berry and my mom might have said something about Halle being black or something, well that white woman came back and said, um isn’t her mother white? Yes. White people are finally claiming their people, Halle just as much their as she is ours. Really she don’t belong to either.

    Reply
  30. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    @ Lite Bread EXACTLY. Claim your kids race, tell them that you count just as much as mommy does in their racial makeup. It is a shame that black people have been doing this for sooooo long. Birracial does not equal negroe, sorry. I finally realize that is is wrong to try to put birracial people into the category of negroe. They are not negros!!!!!! I am sorry Danielle, this is my opinion. I also think Halle Berry’s mother was wrong for raising her as a black woman, I don’t care what society tells my child what they are, that wouldn’t keep them from acknowledging my part in their racial makeup!!! Birracial=Birracial. Not Birracial=Negroe.

    Reply
  31. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    This is my last piece, Oh and sorry for all the typos. I just don’t believe that society should dictate what people consider themselves, correct me if I’m wrong but Danielle, you believe that birracial people should just settle for being called negros because of the one drop rule. I’m not saying anything is wrong with your philosophy, but I just don’t agree. I believe that whatever you say you are you are. I can call myself white, now would society treat me as such. heck no! I think that that argument might be silly, considering I am a proud black woman, but I just do not get why that has gone on for so long. If Im not mistaken it probably hurt some of the white parents whom produced offspring voluntarily with their black partner to have society not acknowledge their children’s true ethnicity. My grandma’s great grandfather was white and he loved my ggg-grandma, he left her everything he owned. I don’t understand why Jim Crow is still in effect. If birracial people still have to call themselves black to avoid scorn from the black community, then we have not moved on from Jim Crow.

    Reply
  32. Danielle Belton Avatar
    Danielle Belton

    @ NAGROMI was only arguing that Mariah obviously is comfortable with both sides of her culture. My point wasn’t about "black" or "white," it was about what the individual considers themselves, how they were raised and where they personally identified, not how you or I identified them because I think we make a mistake when we assume someone else has it easier because of how they look.And my point with Mariah was that she hasn’t run from black people. She’s run towards them. She was still who she was with Motolla, although a lot of that was packaging from an elaborate Pygmalion fantasy on Motolla’s part. This doesn’t make her more or less black. This means that she has embraced this part of herself and it is her culture as much as it is mine. All black people, all of us, are mixed. It just seems strange to disparage recently mixed people for being born post the Loving Supreme Court Case.I think you’re missing the point. I assumed we were talking about white looking blacks and other minorities and if they could claim their blackness if they wanted. "Incognegro" is a joke. Always has been. It wasn’t about making mixed people black. It was about acknowledging mixed people as another part of the larger Diaspora in a humorous way. And I wrote, in my response to the earlier white male poster, that I’m FOR people self-identifying in how they see fit. I’m just saying going on about white looking black people (and I’m referring to people who consider themselves to be black and identify themselves in that matter like Halle Berry) you are basically trying to force your label on them, rather than allowing them to come to their own decision.It doesn’t bother me if you "look white" but identify as black because identifying as black or mixed comes with problems in American no matter how you look. I’ve known people who looked like Barack who had easy lives and people who looked like Wentworth who would up in prison. It’s just hard to be a minority in America and you don’t know people’s individual struggles or what they have to deal with.But like I said, I thought the original post was about colorism and lighter people having a perceived easier time than darker people. My point is that the traumas are different, not necessarily "better" or "worse."For instance, if you’re Mike McMillian, what do you do when people assume you’re white, then go about disrespecting you, your black parents and everyone you love with the "n-word" and talks of "those people," and you have to choose between beating the shit out of someone or laughing it off and pretending to not care? I mean, I’m brown, but my life has not been hard. Barack has struggled internally as a mixed race person and as someone without a father, but I’d argue he’s had about as many traumas based on racism as I had UNTIL he started running for office living in the very different, multi-racial Hawaii.I’ve dealt with racism, but not to the extent of my parents or grandparents. Does this mean I’m not really black? I’d argue someone like Grady Sizemore, who looks white but embraces his black heritage, and I have had pretty similar lives despite the fact he looks white and has probably HAD someone drop an N-word on him crudely. I wasn’t writing about choosing, I was writing about shared pain in a racist society.I don’t know you, nor pretend to, but I think you may be applying something personal to an impersonal situation. White looking black people have been around forever and have had problems forever and most people barely blink. And while we have colorism this is not, it just is not Brazil. And yes, there are men who want a girl with a certain look, but that only leads me to think your allowing your own personal experiences with colorism cloud your judgment in the varied lives of black people. True colorism is ugly and vicious. If we had that in this country, Halle Berry wouldn’t call herself black. In fact, there’s a good chance she’d think she was better than black because she’d be in a different social class, would disrespect darker actresses, discriminate against darker people and be openly hostile to the idea of "marrying down" to a darker person. Here colorism runs from taboo to tacky to tasteless to terminal, but we’re not South America.We’ve got problems, but we don’t have situations like in Venezuela where a Negra woman won Miss Venezuela a few years back and the prize was denied to her by the organizer who was horrified that a black skinned woman would win. And we don’t have an entire underclass made of primarily dark skinned people. (We amazingly have broke blacks of all shades.) And in the suburbs there was always a healthy mix of blacks of all colors and biracial people of all colors. I guess, my concern is your thinking would push us further apart and eventually make colorism politically acceptable and open here. I’m fine with Berry talking about being biracial. I think that’s great and encourage it. Too many biracial kids feel like they’re the only one’s dealing with this drama. But considering how America is (where even you consider the president black with a white mother), there are some realities we’re dealing with here where society called Berry black, not Berry. My other fear is of a color caste system like Brazil, Cuba or India. Where the hatred is strong and open and there is no solidarity, not even symbolically. I want ALL black people to be able to talk about racial mixing because ALL black Americas are racially mixed. The debate shouldn’t be about mixing, it should be that black and white people have more in common than different and differences are to be celebrated, but not used to oppress one another.But that’s my concern in your statements. I know you don’t mean for this, but that’s a possible side effect.

    Reply
  33. NAGROM Avatar
    NAGROM

    Danielle, thank you. Black and White people DO have more in common than differences. I have to say, I have more in common with a white southerner than a black African, an Indian, Latina, or Asian. That I will agree on you with. Second, I am actually not making it a personal thing. I know that we are all mixed, my grandma is light, light, light, she has alot of white blood on her side of the family, ALOT, her great grandfather was George Wallace’s uncle. My grandfather was chestnut and had heavy African and Native racial mixing on his side of the family. My father is light-skinned, like Barack Obama’s color, I know that all blacks are mixed. It just bother me when a birracial person who has one white parent and one black parent seem to think they have to only identify as one. Like they are uppity if they do choose to be identified as birracial instead of black.

    Reply
  34. Lady M Avatar
    Lady M

    Things that annoy me: 1. People assume that I frolic in the forests with monkeys and lions and tigers.. when I don’t. (I have Nigerian parents)2. Not all Africans live in grass huts, or whatever… some of us are actually quite civilized, imagine that. /sarcasm3. There is nothing wrong with my hair. I have the nappiest of hair, and I have no problem using the word, because I know it’s true. No curls whatsoever, just straight-up frizz. yes, I wear fros, yes I comb my hair, yes it is clean. 4. White people who keep wanting to touch my hair… I am not a dog.5. Black men who give me the side eye because I don’t want to "give them a lil sugar" despite just meeting him. 6. … all the names for black people. African American, Afro-American, Black, Black American, African… what the hell?! I’ve been called all of these, as of recently, afro-american.I remember during the campaign when people were trying to "define" Obama, saying he was an "adopted" brother because he’s half-African and didn’t experience the "struggle". whatever the hell that means.7. the word Nigger. I’m sorry, but just because I’m black does not mean that I embrace this word. To me, it has negative connotations. Sure, call me a wimp or whatever, but I prefer not to use it. I’ll stick with Negro, if need be. 8. One last thing… Wiggers/ Wangstas/ whatever… all the white suburban kids that try to act out all the negative black stereotypes… wearing shorts down to their ankles, caps backwards, windows vibrating from the loud music in their cars… etc. etc. they’re the ones buying up all this soulja boy shit that’s clogging up the radios these days. By the way, Love your site, Snob. It’s enlightening. that’s all I can think of for now.

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  35. Dietrich Avatar
    Dietrich

    -I don’t like being called ‘Black’ – I am not – that is not the color I see when I look at my skin nor the skin of my people. Don’t people understand how awful this term is? People were trying to decide what to call you and picked black- it’s not just a color. However I am still on the fence about ‘African-American’ So I’ll just stick with being called a person.-Clearly I listen to all rap music. NO I DON’T – I listen to none it!!!!!!-Caucasians and us for that matter that trip because The Obamas are a two parent household with well behaved and well adjusted children. Yeah…we have well adjusted families all across the nation – amazing right.-People who look at my children in their uniforms and hear them talk and are amazed at how behaved they are and the clarity with which they speak and say hello/goodbye, yes & no thank you in stores, doctor’s offices, nail salons, etc.

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  36. JoJo Avatar
    JoJo

    @ thenderson I was thinking the same thing a lot of people do not realize that Jessica Szohr(gossip girl) and Jennifer Beals(flashdance, The L word) are black. I think they are perfect candidates for icognegro.

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  37. Lite Bread Avatar
    Lite Bread

    Thanks "Snob" (is that what I SHOULD call you, lol?). Appreciate the understanding. I wasn’t trying to raise stank, really. Funny, they took so much after their, uh, well, I guess she is their Dark & Lovely "mother", that no-one ever confuses their background. Most ask me if I adopted lol. Nope, my sperm. They do trend to see themselves as "black" (whatever that really means these days, lol), but mostly because other people infer it so much. I don’t care. I just want them to know themselves, be comfortable with that and be productive, (relatively) happy people. I got no agenda for them. But it has been an experience doing this single-parent style, with their obviously mixed background.And you are SO right about, inside the family, I’m just Dad. I’m quite sure that for all successful interracial families this becomes the case, it’s just "Dad, Mom, Hubby, Wifey, kiddies, etc". The external labeling would just seem so ridiculous, wouldn’t it?

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  38. goofiuss maximus Avatar
    goofiuss maximus

    Thank you Danielle, for your excellent points in response to Nagrom’s dismissal of the incognegro coverage. That has always been my favorite part of this blog, probably because I am one. It is no picnic to be raised among whites, in white suburbia, and cringe when someone makes a racist remark. If you’re a child and you care at all about continuing to have friends in your lily-white school, you have to figure out if it’s worth it to say anything at all. Sometimes you do, and then some friends try to "protect" you from racism by censoring each other, which is always awkward. "SSSSHHHH. Don’t say that, Leah’s in the next room." So, you try keeping your mouth shut and rolling with it. And then you feel guilty, and ashamed, and self-loathing creeps its way in. Passing brings its own set of problems that most black folk and whites never even stop to consider.

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  39. SLM Avatar
    SLM

    Incognegro: How about Deborah Pratt and also her (now adult) daughter Troian Belisario, from her marriage to Don Belisario. Though with her daddy being who he is, I don’t think anybody would dare give her any shit.

    Reply
  40. Diana Barry Blythe Avatar
    Diana Barry Blythe

    @Ms P — Some people offered me condolences when a Black classmate died and asked about funeral arrangements. I didn’t know the young lady well at all, and had talked to her maybe twice before her untimely death.@Lady M — LOL Love your post! I don’t like any stranger touching my hair. Mostly darker skinned people ask to touch mine. About the names, have you ever been called a " Neo-Nubian Princess?" I have.

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  41. Diana Barry Blythe Avatar
    Diana Barry Blythe

    1) I’m sick of people telling the world that someone or something is/is not relevant to "the black community." Who died and made you my cultural representative?2) I’m tired of the idea that there is a "black community" in all aspects of life, and any messages for me must be presented through Emissary Al Sharpton.3) I’m sick of some people of color having conservative values but voting against them because "that guy is white."4) I’m tired of the shocked looks when certain people do not expect someone of your complexion/hairdo to walk into the building.5) I’m sick of the over-friendliness once the shock has worn off [Yes, you are messed up if you do and messed up if you don’t. Sue me.].7) I occasionally tire of hair talk. It happens.8) I’m sick of being a traitor to the [say it with me] "black community" for NOT hating policeman. [What in the world?!]9) I’m tired of the idea that interracial dating and marriage is taboo. When dating age came around and the probability of marrying non-black dudes came up, my ordinarily sane parents sang a different tune [Window shop, but don’t buy anything in that store]. I’m not lovin’ that.10)Oh yes. And I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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  42. starrie Avatar
    starrie

    i hate that i ride home every day on crowded public transportation at the same time as when the kids get out of school and they address each as "nigga"…i think most of the music made after the mid 90’s is noise…i hate that some of go out of our way to name our children the most ridiculous names ever and send them out into the world…i hate that i am a threat because i am educated and i speak very well…i hate that people feel something is wrong with me because i’m open to dating other races…i hate "good hair" vs "bad hair"…in fact someone used these terms TODAY…i hate that some of us still don’t realize knowledge is power…i hate it when the alcohol flows and some people get comfortable enough to ask why they can’t use the "n" word, when we use it so freely amongst ourselves….i hate BETi hate that there are sad people who go youtube (and other places) and rage about black women….

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  43. travelgirl Avatar
    travelgirl

    I hate that other blacks limit themselves by not going somewhere on vacation because they "don’t know anybody that lives there".I hate that more blacks don’t do non-tradtional things like staying in youth hostels when travelling, riding bikes in the city, walking for exercise in parks, along waterfronts, study and travel abroad, volunteer in africa, so that african children see more black american people that are are blessed to live in a rich country and have the means, come to help them toward better livesin addition to the white people that continually do year after year.

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  44. Lady M Avatar
    Lady M

    @ Diana Barry Blythe, yeah I’ve been called that and also an African Princess/ African Queen. I normally just laugh, because it’s not worth it to get worked up over little things. :]LOL at the "sick at hair talk". Talking about our hair is like the ultimate bonding conversation for black women, it seems.You know, I’m not going to to lie. Before I had those same hang-ups that many black women/ black people in general have about interracial dating and what not, but I’ve learned to relax and be more accepting. In this new day and age its time to, as President Obama put it, "let go of childish things." And you can interpret that however you want. Increasingly, my view is, now that divorce rates are higher than ever you’ve gotta find love wherever you can. If you gotta dip into the vanilla or the caramel or whatever then so be it. We all have our preferences, I have mine. But shunning a black man just because he married a white woman or vice versa is wrong. Kudos to any couple who survives to that 25 or 50 year anniversary point.@ Starrie. The name thing is outrageous. I get so worked up about this sometimes… I get names that are classic or "unique", per se, e.g. Clifford, Velma, or Edwin, you know like the Old School names. But I don’t get names like La’Shanna, Shaquante, or Shalamar. …With the damn apostrophe.(And I actually know people named this). What the hell?? when you go out to the business world with a name like that you are automatically going to be classified in a negative light. I’m happy that my parents named me and my siblings names that were pronounceable and professional. My name is Maureen, btw, which I might add is not entirely common for women of my (young) age, as it’s a pretty old name.

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  45. Star Avatar
    Star

    I`ll take Wentworth for 300 Alex. In fact, I thank you for bringing back Incognegro (the name alone is worth it!) and I thank you for gracing your blog with the finest mocha man around today. Or Warm Vanilla. Or Toasted Beige. Or whatever the hell it is people want to call him. Let`s just call him sexy and be done with it.

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  46. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    I have to say that one of the most irritating things about being black or a member of the black community would be our lack of support for eachother. If you look at other communities, like hispanic, arabic, jewish, and such, they tend to come together for the greater good of their families or communites. They help eachother with creating businesses and driving customers to those businesses, rather than competing with eachother. I am so tired of the competition in the black community. When someone betters themselves or has any type of material gain, we try our best to knock them down and take everything they possess in the process. I just cannot stand the hatred that goes on. Also, the FEMALES, WE HATE ON EACHOTHER TO THE EXTREME. Do you hear me? Let me repeat FEMALES, WE HATE ON EACHOTHER TO THE EXTREME. Females will break their necks to gossip about any girl that may look or dress better than them, has a better job, a better man, or a better lifestyle in general. Gosh, I swear I could go on and on. Oh yeah, and I hate that people make fun of me because I "talk proper." First of all isn’t it speak properly and second, when did that become a bad thing? *Stepping off soap box

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  47. Maggie Avatar
    Maggie

    "And while I understand why people like Kwanza, I draw the line at me actually celebrating it. Sounds too much like how I spent every summer of my childhood with those Kunjufu books. Christmas, after all, is an international holiday not based on any race. I can’t help it if some folks here think they own the damn thing. Last time I checked Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew."I don’t know what Kunjufu is, but Christmas is only an international holiday because it was spread by whites over many decades. It was originally a pagan European holiday which was adapted to Christianity in order to win more converts. I don’t celebrate Kwanzaa either, but that’s because Kwanzaa is based on Kenyan festivals and my parents are from Ghana so we have our own festivals to celebrate. Also, keep in mind that Kwanzaa has only been around for about thirty years or more. I think over time more black people will celebrate it. Things I Can’t Standa. Hearing brothers and sisters bash Africans as ugly, backwards, or stupid because of the propaganda they see in the corporate media.b. Hearing anyone treat Africa as if it’s a country and not a continent with a variety of cultures and peoples. c. Self-hating negroes (ex. Jesse Lee Petterson, Clarence Thomas, Rev. Manning etc.) This has nothing to do with whether you’re liberal or conservative so much as the ones who constantly put their political beliefs and parties ahead of black people. I saw some of this during the primaries last year.d. Stereotypical commercials and movies (I bet it’s done on purpose)e. Having to put up with some whites with an inflated sense of entitlement. There’s nothing I hate more than having to explain stuff like KKK != Black Panthers/Nation of Islam, HBCUs aren’t racist (BUT BUT WHY ISNT THERE A WHITES-ONLY COLLEGE?!!!111), and the classic "Well MY parents immigrated here and THEY didn’t own any slaves so therefore they didn’t benefit from racism.f. Knowing that the only channels geared towards myself are BET and TVOne. One’s a bunch of crap and the other seems to be for people over 30. g. People assuming that Kwanzaa is a "black Christmas" or that if your parents are from Africa then they celebrate Kwanzaa. g1. People who snicker at people celebrating Kwanzaa g2. People who bash Kwanzaa as "racist" g3. People who say Kwanzaa is an evil PAGAN holiday while celebrating the commercialized pagan joke of a holiday known as Christmas

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  48. kaikou Avatar
    kaikou

    I view identity as something that isn’t solely based upon race. I take into account ethnic background more then I do if someone is black, white, yellow or green. I am a Jamaican-Nigerian American. I do want people to embrace the term biracial more. I think it is better for international relations and a global society. Ultimately it lies with the person who gets to decide. I see President Obama as biracial but I guess I am one of the few. I think being biracial is just as important as being black or white, if you identify as such.I love Incognegro. I think it is fun and lighthearted. It makes you question how you perceive people just based on their looks.Things I Hate About Being Black:1. When I pass someone who is "black" they look at me like I know them. I don’t know if this is truely the case or if they are judging me, but I just don’t like strangers looking at me period. It just seems that "blacks" tend to be easier to spot doing this.2. I cosign to the notion that we know each others whereabouts.3. Being asked if I cut my hair or how long it took to do my braids.4. Being seen as angry because I am "black" rather then just quiet and reserved.5. Having an attitude. I really think this means different things if you are white, "black", asian, or hispanic6. Having to think of things I hate about being me. 😦

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  49. Malletgirl02 Avatar
    Malletgirl02

    This thread has become a black people suck thread. Some people complain about black people not supporting each other, but you all are just like the ones you complain about.

    Reply
  50. Romamo Avatar
    Romamo

    @NAGROM, Though Halle Berry has a biracial mother, Ms. Berry has said PUBLICLY, on the Oprah Winfrey Show, that she considers herself to be a "Black woman" therefore your mother was correct in calling her Black, not b/c your mother was judging Ms. Berry but b/c your mother was respecting Ms. Berry’s right to SELF-IDENTIFY. I would have calmly and patiently explained this to the White co-worker. What’s difficult about that?@Lady M, ME TOO! ;-)@travelgirl, I feel you! I’ve stayed at hostels so many cities/countries in the US & Europe. Wish more Black ppl took advantage of the great rates!My List:1. Being judged for the way that I talk, which is "preppy" apparently. LOL.2. Being told I have a "white name". I’m also a "Maureen"! 3. Being expected to marry someone who (a) already has kids, (b) is/was sexually promiscuous, or (3) has an STI by the wider Black comm. True story: a very sweet friend of mine who is a college-educated, Christian-no-premarital-sex woman told me that she just assumes that her husband will have the Herpe b/c "Black men sleep with everyone" (read:white girls) and "I’m not going to judge him for that." God Bless her. 4. Being expected to marry another "African" b/c marrying an Afr-American would be "difficult" or not as good.5. Being perceived as having an attitude or being naive when I’m just passionate about social reform.6. Being told to "get with the program" by an older Black man b/c I said that I didn’t want to join a soritity in college. 7. Hearing about other Black people’s exact racial/ethnic make-up (read:how bi or "multi" racial one is). I don’t care that you’re a quarter B, a drop of R, and a pound of dolamite. Really, I don’t. I just want to know your name and experience your table manners. Thank you. 8. Feeling isolated because my Obama enthusiasm is tempered by skepticism. But, of course, I DO LOVE BEING BLACK! And, I love Black people. God Bless!

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