I honestly wanted to write something deep and profound about Kim Jong-Il. Really. I did. I was going to go on about how he’s really not “crazy,” and testing missiles is his usual song and dance to get more cash out of us, Europe and his neighbors. But the whole “I’m a loco dictator and I’m gonna blow up the effin’ world if you don’t pay me, bitches!” shit gets super old super fast. I actually feel sorry for Russia, China, South Korea and Japan, who have to basically put up with this bullshit on a round-the-clock basis as they are within weapons range. We talk like a missile might be able to get to Alaska. Maybe. But they have to live it. Even if Jong-Il got one of those raggedy-ass long range rockets off the ground and got it aimed in Alaska’s general direction, the state is about 90 percent tundra and rocks and about 10 percent people. All he’s gonna do is kill some polar bears, incur the wrath of Sarah Palin and piss a lot of Americans off (including yours truly).

More after the jump.

But really. He doesn’t want to do that. No one would mourn us being lazy and just blowing up government buildings and military sites at will. (Because we wouldn’t invade shit at this point. It would be all point and click warfare). He just wants us to pay him to go away. And it’s annoying.

So it’s time to do to the new-president-on-the-block what he did to the previous old presidents. Throw a temper tantrum and see what he can get out of us this time around. New bike? Waterslide? An expansion on the Fortress of Solitude? More money to kidnap Asian stars of stage and cinema to recreate shitty versions of popular Asian and Western films for Dear Leader’s delight? I mean, the dude is like the wackest Bond villain in the history of Bond villains. Either start a war, create an elaborate underwater lair, buy a white fluffy cat to stroke or STFU! I’m sick of this BS.

But fuck it. Here’s a new picture of TJ Holmes.

And now I feel better. Ah … much better. There are more pictures in the archives. To read past Google Stalking entries, click here.

Anyone got any good TJ gossip, comments, stories, news, photos, questions or clips? (Please don’t ask me whether or not he has kids. I do NOT know!) Please share in the comments below!